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FaceBook rules and etc for teens - 12/2/2008 9:15:18 AM
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Ellie-Mae
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From: The EMPIRE state!
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I started an account and checked it out. I think that it is way better than MySpace and a lot more friendlier.
I found that many of my son's friends have pages of their own. Many of them live out of state from us so they mainly keep in touch online as it is. I consider them to be my friends as well, and I was happy to find that they were eager to add me as their friend.
We decided to let my 13 year old son have a age of his own. It is a private page that can only be seen by his friends. I know his password, and he has no expectation of privacy. He has done well with another closed forum that he is on where he also keeps up with his friends.
He is only allowed on it with permission and while we are close by. He is not allowed to add new friends or join new games without clearing with us first. He was happy with those rules and said that they seemed reasonable to him (his words not mine).
Anyway, I was wondering where some of you draw the lines with Facebook, if your kids have an account. For example, my son got a friend request from someone on here. A perfectly nice guy as far as I know. I had added him on as a friend on my FB account. This is the only connection that he has to my son. If we allow him, then where DO we draw the line? I haven't had a chance to discuss this articular thing with my hubby yet, but I was wondering what other parents are doing.
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RE: FaceBook rules and etc for teens - 12/2/2008 9:46:22 AM
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csl7037
Posts: 2064
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For the sake of trying to reign it in, I'd say I wouldn't allow friends who are only Facebook friends. Dh and I are both on Facebook. Our kids are too small to know or care - although I consider my kids "technologically advanced" at 8 and 9 (because their daddy's an uber-geek) - dd is getting a laptop for Christmas and they're both on AIM (to talk to Grandma and to Daddy when he's at work)...so I know this will be an issue for us sooner, rather than later. I struggle with it, though. I mean, a kid with any sense at all could easily work around your controls - he could just create a new account that you don't know about. So, on one hand, it boils down to the kind of kid you have - is he trustworthy? On the other hand, you've got to monitor it because, at 13 (or at 17 or 18) he just doesn't have the discernment to recognize potential danger and be discerning about it.
Did you mean your son got a request from someone on CW? (I keep my CW and FB separate - one's relatively anonymous, one's not). That's probably perfectly fine but, like you said, it could be a pandora's box and, if not there, where do you draw the line. Personally, for him, I'd keep it strictly to people he knows IRL.
BTW, my friend recently set up a page for his 9 year old ds - I have no clue why!
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RE: FaceBook rules and etc for teens - 12/2/2008 10:03:28 AM
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manda59
Posts: 6179
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
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Ellie-Mae,
My ds first got a FaceBook account when he was 18 and had started University. My dd (4 yrs younger) then asked for one (at 14, she is now 15) and we allowed it on similar conditions to the ones you have. Plus that she told us the password, and that she understood that we might check her FaceBook at any time. I actually usually check it once every day or two, out of interest more than anything. I have a FaceBook too, and she is on my Friends List (my dh isn't really into these things yet!)
One thing we have found is that some people on FaceBook are intent on getting as many "Friends" on their list as possible, as if it was some kind of status symbol to have a large list, as if they were measuring their popularity or "coolness" by it. There is a section on FaceBook with a button to click for "People You May Know" (or something like that), which then gives you lists of people on your Friends' FaceBooks, to see if you'd like to add them too. That may be how that person on your FaceBook "found" your ds.
I'm personally not overkeen on adults being on my dd's Friends' List unless they are people we know reasonably well (and in real time). Sarah has some of her friends' mums on her FaceBook, and a few of the teachers from high school. But most are people her own age or my son's age (she gets on well with his friends).
With FaceBook, when you get a Friends Request, you can either Confirm or Ignore. If you Ignore, it doesn't send a message back to the person, they just don't get confirmation. So, if you're not happy about someone being added, I'd suggest you just click on Ignore, and tell your son it's to stay like that.
Just a warning: just twice in the last 18 months, my daughter has had a Friends Request from two people she doesn't know, and who aren't on any of her friends' lists. I don't know how they got her name, unless they troll through random lists of members. Both were adult men. One said he was a TV actor  If you send these people a message back, even to ask who they are, it enables them to see part of your profile for (I think) a month. So IMO it's best not to reply at all in that situation.
All in all, FaceBook has been a good experience for Sarah. She takes photos and uploads them to her FaceBook, "tags" her friends in them, and really really enjoys it all.
One thing that you may or may not be aware of is that there is a live chat function (like a mini instant messenger) for your FaceBook friends. A little screen pops up in the bottom righthand corner and they can chat to one another. I don't know whether or not it logs the conversations for checking later. Sarah doesn't use it very much, and when she does, she tends to leave the conversation box open so that I can see what they've been talking about.
If I think of anything else, I will post again!
< Message edited by manda59 -- 12/2/2008 10:09:51 AM >
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RE: FaceBook rules and etc for teens - 12/2/2008 10:05:13 AM
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manda59
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From: Hampshire, UK
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quote:
ORIGINAL: csl7037
BTW, my friend recently set up a page for his 9 year old ds - I have no clue why!
That's against Facebook Terms of Use(minimum age is 13)
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"Manda is right"
mvic, January 2009
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RE: FaceBook rules and etc for teens - 12/2/2008 10:09:49 AM
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Ellie-Mae
Posts: 3582
Joined: 4/9/2005
From: The EMPIRE state!
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Yikes! Even with the TOS that you have to agree to the kid is supposed to be at least 13. I can't imagine letting them on younger. Our house is pretty geeky too. We have had as many as 10 functioning, Internet accessible computers in our home. We are slowly doing away with desktop computers. The kids are each getting their own laptops this year for Christmas. They use them for school and for research and 100 other things. I have never had a problem with my teen concerning the Internet other than letting time get away from him from time to time. He is very receptive when we restrict his time too.
He seems happy to have rules for FB and seems to see them as desired guidelines for being able to safely get around FB without putting himself or others in a dangerous position and also to net let it run away from him.
As far as anonymity goes, we have met and know a lot of people from CW personally. I don't consider this place very anonymous for me at all. The person that sent the request, I don't know personally. I wouldn't mind meeting him though as he is very nice. I am just thinking this through so I don't open that box before we are ready. This guy probably won't be the last to send a request.
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Please do not PM me about this message, discuss it at the water cooler, or include it in your church bulletins. If you have questions, please keep them to yourself. ~Kerrlaw
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RE: FaceBook rules and etc for teens - 12/2/2008 10:33:21 AM
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Ellie-Mae
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From: The EMPIRE state!
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Manda, Thanks for that post. I forgot about the IM. David is only allowed to use it to speak to one family, although with permission he may be allowed to use it with friends from his kids forum. He doesn't like to erase anything as he sometimes has questions gets stuck or has questions for later. But I think that based on the live chat feature, I think that I will have him just ignore the request.
I have seen ics that have been tagged for their friends. Are they the only friends that can view them? I thought that the tags just let people know that you had posted the,.
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Please do not PM me about this message, discuss it at the water cooler, or include it in your church bulletins. If you have questions, please keep them to yourself. ~Kerrlaw
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RE: FaceBook rules and etc for teens - 12/2/2008 12:07:41 PM
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journeyman7
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I have a myspace account but never have set up a facebook account. Most of my friends and family are on Myspace, thus this is the one that I use. It is an awesome way to share pictures, interests, and communcate with friends and family in the fast paced world. Although, monitoring is the key for any kid that uses such an online site. I am not sure on Facebook, but I set my Myspace account to private. No one can see my profile or information unless they have been added as my friend. Also, if anyone attempts to add me as a friend, I set up the security feature which makes the user complete a security code (CAPCHA) before it is sent to me.
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Mt 16:24 -
Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me
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RE: FaceBook rules and etc for teens - 12/2/2008 12:43:40 PM
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Ellie-Mae
Posts: 3582
Joined: 4/9/2005
From: The EMPIRE state!
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Do you mean those places where you have to tye a word or words that are printed sloppy in a box? If so, how does that increase security?
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Please do not PM me about this message, discuss it at the water cooler, or include it in your church bulletins. If you have questions, please keep them to yourself. ~Kerrlaw
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RE: FaceBook rules and etc for teens - 12/2/2008 12:58:17 PM
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Roberta_
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I broke down and created an account. It gave me options of who to invite based on what was in my e-mail address book.
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RE: FaceBook rules and etc for teens - 12/2/2008 5:07:04 PM
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Penpen
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From: New Jersey
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Hi Ellie:
My boys are 14 and 17 and both have facebook accounts. I am their "friend" on facebook so I can monitor their activity. So far, we have had no problems. Their "friends" on facebook are real life friends from school. Also, some of their friends are my "friends" on facebook. They actually request me to be their "friend". I do check frequently to make sure everything is ok. I like facebook much better than myspace. I am pretty active with my account as well.
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RE: FaceBook rules and etc for teens - 12/2/2008 6:08:37 PM
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Karaboo2
Posts: 2754
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Ontario, Canada
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quote:
ORIGINAL: journeyman7
I have a myspace account but never have set up a facebook account. Most of my friends and family are on Myspace, thus this is the one that I use. It is an awesome way to share pictures, interests, and communcate with friends and family in the fast paced world. Although, monitoring is the key for any kid that uses such an online site. I am not sure on Facebook, but I set my Myspace account to private. No one can see my profile or information unless they have been added as my friend. Also, if anyone attempts to add me as a friend, I set up the security feature which makes the user complete a security code (CAPCHA) before it is sent to me.
Mine is set up that way as well ... in fact, you could do a search for my name and not find me at all (which is why I tell my CW friends that if they want to be FB friends with me to PM me their info and I'll find them, as they will never find me on their own)
I figure by the time my kids are old enough to use a site such as FB, it (technology) will probably have changed yet again. I'll cross that bridge when I reach it.
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Tea Drinkers Anonymous
<-- Caleb in a computer box
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RE: FaceBook rules and etc for teens - 12/2/2008 6:22:57 PM
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lexie
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From: Toronto
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There is a lot of privacy that can be done with Facebook, so it's important to check it all out. Even if you have a profile picture of yourself, you can set it so that people who aren't on your list can't see the picture.
quote:
I have seen ics that have been tagged for their friends. Are they the only friends that can view them? I thought that the tags just let people know that you had posted the
With the pictures and tagging you have the option of who can see the photos you post. I have mine set so only my friends can see because I post a lot of pictures of my daughter. However, some people have theirs set so anyone can see the photo. I have logged on many times to see that someone I do not know has tagged a friend of mine in a picture. When I click on the picture, it comes up as well as every other photo in their album.
So you also have to remember that while you control your own privacy settings, there may be friends who are posting pictures of you and tagging you for anyone to see.
I convinced my 14 year old nephew to add me to his list. His parents know little about computers and have had a lot of trouble in the past with him doing stuff he shouldn't on the computers. The mom says that he shows her everything, but I'm wary about that, because she wouldn't be able to tell if he was hiding anything, and he's hid many things from her in the past. But with me on the list, I can see everything, and also check out all of his friends if I want to (cause 14 year olds don't seem to understand or care about the whole public/private thing.)
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RE: FaceBook rules and etc for teens - 12/4/2008 5:28:01 PM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 10203
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From: Cow country, Upstate NY
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I think the rules you have are good ones, Lisa. I personally would not allow my son to add friends from CW or anywhere else online without my approval. And if you are their only connection to David...then I would just ignore it. Like someone else said, if you ignore a friend request, the person is not notified that you ignored it and they may not even notice. If they do notice, just tell them you've decided to limit who David has as FB friends to people his age that you approve and people he has met before. That's perfectly reasonable.
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He fulfills the desires of those who fear Him;
He hears their cry and saves them.
The Lord watches over all who love him,
but all the wicked He will destroy.
~Psalm 145:19-20~
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RE: FaceBook rules and etc for teens - 12/4/2008 5:33:23 PM
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Ellie-Mae
Posts: 3582
Joined: 4/9/2005
From: The EMPIRE state!
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We have decided to have him ignore that request. We really don't people that we don't know well to have that kind of access to him. We are limiting his friends to that one group of kids (and their parents) and people he knows from church. I can think of very few exceptions that would come up for quite a long while.
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Please do not PM me about this message, discuss it at the water cooler, or include it in your church bulletins. If you have questions, please keep them to yourself. ~Kerrlaw
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