|
Users viewing this topic:
none
|
|
Login  | |
|
Initial attraction to your wife - 11/28/2008 10:19:17 AM
|
|
|
willfs
Posts: 348
Joined: 12/28/2007
Status: offline
|
Are guys usually the ones who are more likely to be blown away, initially, by the woman than vice versa? Doesn't it work out better that way?
I had an older lady who kept telling me I needed to get to know the woman I went on dates with better before I decided (which was on the first date) I didn't like them. She told me about her first date with her husband. She didn't want a second date from him. After the date she didn't see him for a while but she bumped into him later and he got a second date somehow. They ended up marrying later. She uses that story to tell me that you don't always know and you can't judge someone too swiftly.
I point out one fact of that story that is important. After the first date, her husband told some friends that he was going to marry her someday. He knew from the first date.
I guess this is coming from a guy who has always been the one to have the girl chasing him and pushign the relationship on. Those relationships just never work out. I think I want a girl who I just gotta be with for the rest of my life... and that means someone who I am physically attracted to a whole lot, something I might be able to tell initially.
I had given up on finding someone who meets my attraction test and decided I could "settle" for a good woman who was moderately attractive to me. Until the other day when I actually saw a single woman in my town who blew my socks off. I really want to meet her and intend on doing so if I am ever around her again. It made me realize how much I don't have to settle. And I want someone who I am very attracted to physically. However, there is no chance that an attractive woman will make it past the age of 23 without being nabbed. It's a sad fact but it's true. That fact used to make me think about how shallow guys are and, thus, I needed to not look at physical appearance. I wrote above that woman chase me and that's because I think I am an attractive guy, which is something I get told quite a bit. I only mention this because I think that often times you are attracted to someone close to who you are. Intelligent people do not want to settle for someone who is not intelligent. Social butterflies do not want to marry a couch potatoe and so on. Not simple because they want a compatible person but because they feel a common bond and value that individuals good traits uniquely. I have forced myself to go on dates with woman who did not blow me away physically. They were good woman who were fun to be around but I was craving something else as well.
I think its okay that I want a very attractive woman. I know they will age and that there looks are in jeopardy of being hurt by accidents. But there is somethign about atleast having the attraction initially. I also know that there is more to a woman that looks. I know of a very, very attractive woman who I will not date because, by the way she dresses and acts, she doesn't share my view of God and my values. But there is something very liberating about realizing that I don't need to settle for anything less than a woman who blows me away - with her spirituality, personality, AND her physical beauty.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Initial attraction to your wife - 11/29/2008 4:59:43 PM
|
|
|
mrtigger
Posts: 320
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: willfs
I had an older lady who kept telling me I needed to get to know the woman I went on dates with better before I decided (which was on the first date) I didn't like them.
I think that is wise advice... I think you ought to have at 2 or 3 dates before you make a final decision.
I find the initial impression of a person is often incorrect. It takes a bit more than the first time to get to know them reasonably well.
As far as looking for an attractive wife, I don't think there is anything wrong with making attractiveness one of your criteria. But don't put too much emphasis on it. As far as what makes a woman a good wife (or not), it matters some but doesn't count for that much. I've met stunningly attractive women who are pretty much just worthless except to look at.
Anyway, good luck with your search.
_____________________________
mr tigger
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Initial attraction to your wife - 12/1/2008 10:04:16 AM
|
|
|
John_O
Posts: 8019
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: mrtigger
quote:
ORIGINAL: willfs
I had an older lady who kept telling me I needed to get to know the woman I went on dates with better before I decided (which was on the first date) I didn't like them.
I think that is wise advice... I think you ought to have at 2 or 3 dates before you make a final decision.
I disagree. If he sees red flags on the first date why bother with the second? The whole process of dating is for the purpose of learning them well enough to know there are no red flags before the wedding. Once a red flag shows up, why date anymore?
I do agree with willfs methodology. Find what you want and don't settle. He seems to have a realistic view of it, look for the total package and make sure she is as beautiful on the inside as on the outside.
I was blown away by my wife's looks when I first met her. Now that she has gone home to be with Jesus I'm looking to be blown away again. Just have to find the right woman.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Initial attraction to your wife - 12/17/2008 6:52:09 PM
|
|
|
Kings_Ransom
Posts: 94
Joined: 11/26/2008
Status: offline
|
There are several reactions I had to your post. The first is that sometimes people get far too wrapped up in physical attraction and don't remember that beauty is fleeting. No, I wouldn't recommend marrying a woman you find repulsive, but I also don't recommend writing that person off just because they don't immediately strike your interest.
No matter how attractive your wife is when you first marry her, there will be something, even a little thing, that you find less than appealing about her physically. It's usually not a big deal, but I mention it because you seem to be saying that you have to find the woman attractive in every way or it's no good. Also remember the number of men who complain about marrying their wife back when she was a knock-out, but since the birth of the children she's had trouble losing the weight she gained, and for that matter she's cut her hair different and now she's nowhere near as attractive as she used to be.
Also, sometimes the reason the woman doesn't knock your socks off the first time you meet her could have more to do with other factors, like the mood you're in, or whether or not she's got some maturing left to do. I've met many beautiful women and when I see pictures of them as younger girls I wonder how on earth a young girl so ugly could grow up to be that attractive.
My brother met a woman a few years ago and initially they barely noticed each other. Their social circles intertwined a few times over the years, but after a while he began to notice her in a way he never had before. He had always known she was cute but she suddenly became beautiful to him and he knew he wanted to spend more time with her. They began to date, and this coming January she will become my sister-in-law. She's 24, btw.
My point is that if you have a date with a girl and she doesn't blow your socks off, as you put it, but you have a great time with her and she seems to be someone you click with, don't write her off just because she isn't your full definition of "babe." For that matter, if this woman that you are attracted to has as high an opinion of herself as you do of yourself, you may very well not meet her standards.
But I do agree that you should not marry a woman just because she really, really wants to marry you. Again, I use my brother as an example. For more than a year he dated a girl who was nice, very pretty, and liked our family. We liked her, too. Often the four of us (myself and my wife, and the two of them) hung out and double-dated. None of us had a strong objection to him marrying her, but I often wondered why it was that she wanted to marry him so badly. After all, at the time he didn't have a good job and could not have been a breadwinner. He was emotionally not ready for a serious long-term commitment like that, either. Long after their break-up, he confessed to me that she would grow jealous if he spent any time with his friends, took no interest in any of his hobbies or interests, and fully expected that once she married him he would not spend time with his friends anymore, and would give up his current interests and become involved in hers.
She didn't want to marry him, she just wanted to be married, and what's more, she didn't want a husband, she wanted her own personal live Ken doll. So, yeah, I don't blame him for not marrying her.
One final example of why I disagree that you must have a desire to be with the woman immediately is a couple of friends of mine who grew up together, and thought of each other as brother and sister, or so they thought. Both had said many times that they weren't sure who they would marry, only that they had not met this person yet. Do I need to tell you how the story ends?
In the end, though, the woman you write off just because she didn't turn your world upside down the minute you saw her could be the woman of your dreams if you just keep an open mind about it. So, ultimately, no, I don't think it's better for the man to immediately find her attractive. Attraction can grow.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Initial attraction to your wife - 12/20/2008 8:59:26 AM
|
|
|
broyce1981
Posts: 2064
Joined: 8/8/2006
Status: online
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: willfs
However, there is no chance that an attractive woman will make it past the age of 23 without being nabbed. It's a sad fact but it's true.
I definitely disagree with this point. There's only been two women that made me think "wow" the first time I saw them and they are both still single in their late 20's.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Initial attraction to your wife - 12/20/2008 10:41:09 AM
|
|
|
Kings_Ransom
Posts: 94
Joined: 11/26/2008
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: broyce1981
quote:
ORIGINAL: willfs
However, there is no chance that an attractive woman will make it past the age of 23 without being nabbed. It's a sad fact but it's true.
I definitely disagree with this point. There's only been two women that made me think "wow" the first time I saw them and they are both still single in their late 20's.
Yep. That's very true. Like I said, the woman my brother is now marrying is 24, and not only is just now getting married, but my brother is her first boyfriend. This isn't because she had a hard time getting "nabbed" but because her standards were so high. (Now I have to figure out what my brother did to meet those standards. Or was it hypnosis? ;))
For that matter, I've met numerous women who would be a knock-out to anyone who knows them who are as single as the day they were born. Just because numerous men probably wanted them does not mean they had to accept.
Just recently a 31-year-old friend of mine got married, and I wondered then why she hadn't gotten married much earlier. I mean, she was a BABE by anybody's standards. But she hadn't met the right person.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Initial attraction to your wife - 12/25/2008 11:19:23 PM
|
|
|
bigfrank
Posts: 132
Joined: 12/2/2005
From: Battle Ground, WA
Status: offline
|
quote:
I've met stunningly attractive women who are pretty much just worthless except to look at.
I second that.
_____________________________
A man should never let a salad beat him.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Initial attraction to your wife - 12/26/2008 2:32:54 PM
|
|
|
flyboy2610
Posts: 142
Joined: 5/10/2005
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: Kings_Ransom
Yep. That's very true. Like I said, the woman my brother is now marrying is 24, and not only is just now getting married, but my brother is her first boyfriend. This isn't because she had a hard time getting "nabbed" but because her standards were so high. (Now I have to figure out what my brother did to meet those standards. Or was it hypnosis? ;))
Maybe she was holding out for perfection, and finally grew up enough to realize it doesn't exist.
_____________________________
If the women don't find you handsome, they should at least find you handy.
Red Green
If you're going to live like there's no hell..... you'd better be right.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Initial attraction to your wife - 12/28/2008 12:41:45 AM
|
|
|
Christian30
Posts: 173
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: Stafford, TX (Houston suburb)
Status: offline
|
quote:
Are guys usually the ones who are more likely to be blown away, initially, by the woman than vice versa? Doesn't it work out better that way?
The answer to this question is probably a simple YES, if you are talking about looks/attractiveness (as most though not all of the rest of your post implies, for the most part). However, that's mainly because men are more visual creatures.
I will not make you feel guilty for wanting an attractive woman, as your desire is what it is. However, God can make changes in your desires, and I will say that it would be great for you to pray about this matter, and about your desires, for that matter. Pray that your will would be aligned with God's, and that you would be attracted to a woman who could help you best serve Him, however attractive she might be. You might find that over time your expectations of attractiveness in a mate could change. You are not ignorant of the long-term realities, as you say that you know that good looks will fade over time. Nothing could be closer to the truth.
When I saw my future wife for the first time in 1984, I nearly fell over when I saw her because she was so stunningly beautiful. Her personality impressed me at least as much, and she was a new Christian seeking to know God better. We married quickly and had children soon afterwards. We are happily married and have been so for most of our 23 years.
In recent years we have had some very hard times, much of it centering on our children. My wife has shown many qualities I admire in coping with our hardships. She's still beautiful, though it is different at 52 than it was in late 20s. However, after all of these years I see it much differently than I did so many years ago. It's a blessing, but in the scheme of our lives I realize that it is far more "optional" than I thought so long ago. This aspect of our marriage has been a strange journey, because I am not that handsome, even though I grew up in a very attractive household. I've always wondered what my wife thought about my appearance, but there's no way she would ever open up about it. I truly believe we are both able to appreciate the good things in each other (both moral and non-moral) and be forebearing with the deficiencies.
The thing to center on is your relationship with God. May God bless you as you seek the mate He would have in your life.
|
|
|
|
 New Messages |
 No New Messages |
 Hot Topic w/ New Messages |
 Hot Topic w/o New Messages |
 Locked w/ New Messages |
 Locked w/o New Messages |
|
 Post New Thread
Reply to Message
Post New Poll
Submit Vote
Delete My Own Post
Delete My Own Thread
Rate Posts |
|
|
Forum Tools
Printable Version
