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ORIGINAL: Above_All
Hehehe.

So....does anyone here follow along with the 40 days of repentance that leads to Rosh Hashanah? I think that is a wonderful thing for Gentiles to adopt don't you think? Just imagine the things we can teach our children. A far better way to honor G-d, repent of our sins and prevent sin rather than a New Year resolution or quick "I'm sorry."

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The Jewish Country Club

O'Brien kept nudging Cohen to let him play at his Jewish Country Club. Cohen told him that only Jews could play golf there.

He drove him crazy for months and he finally gave in but warned him that if anyone asked, his name was Goldberg. If asked what his occupation was, he was a manufacturer. O'Brien asked what kind of a manufacturer should he be and he told him to say that he made tallis.

Sure enough, after playing 18 holes, he's approached by one of the members. He said that he hadn't seen him before and asked his name.

He replied, "My name is Goldberg."

"What do you do for a living, Mr. Goldberg?"

He replies, "I'm a manufacturer."

"What do you manufacture?"

"I make tallises."

"You know, I always wanted to know what the Hebrew letters on the neck of the tallis meant. Can you tell me?"

O'Brien said, "to tell the truth, I only make the sleeves".

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Amish Jew

A woman is riding a bus in the Midwest, when a man gets on the bus and sits down next to her. He's wearing a black hat, long black coat, black slacks and shoes, and he has a long curly dark beard.

The woman looks at him disgustedly. "Jews like you," she hisses at him.

He looks up at her, puzzled, and says, "I beg your pardon, madam?"

She says, "Look at you. All in black, a beard, never take off your hat! It's Jews like you that give the rest of us a bad name."

He says calmly, "I beg your pardon, madam, but I am not Jewish. I'm Amish."

The woman looks back and smiles, "How nice. You've kept your customs."

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There are many forms of Judaism:

* Cardiac Judaism -- in my heart I am a Jew.
* Gastronomic Judaism -- we eat Jewish foods.
* Pocketbook Judaism -- I give to Jewish causes.
* Drop-off Judaism -- drop the kids off at Sunday
* Hebrew school and go out to breakfast.
* Two-Times a Year Judaism -- we attend service Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur.

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A Carpenter of Chelm

A carpenter in Chelm is fixing the roof, but as he works, he throws away about half the nails. The mayor is passing by, and asks him why he's wasting so many nails. The carpenter answers, "I take a nail out of the bag, and if it's facing the roof, I use it; if it's facing away, I know it's defective and throw it away."

The mayor tells him, "You fool! Those are for the other side!!"

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I think I finally wore them down.

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I just got my pool folded up and plan on putting tarps around the enclosure this year.

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as you learn how to live with each other!

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Venomous Wife

Abe goes to see his Rabbi.

"Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it."

The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong, Abe?"

Abe replied, "My wife is poisoning me."

The Rabbi was very surprised by this and asks, "How can that be?"

Abe then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me, what should I do?"

The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know."

A week later the Rabbi calls Abe and says, "Well, I spoke to your wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?"

Abe anxiously says, "Yes."

"Take the poison," says the Rabbi.

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The Real Mother (in law)

A Jewish town had a shortage of men for wedding purposes, so they had to import men from other towns.

One day a groom-to-be arrived on a train, and two mother-in-laws-to-be were waiting for him, each claiming ownership on him.

A wise old rabbi was called to solve the problem.

After a few minutes of thought, he said: "If this is the situation, you both want the groom, we'll cut him in half and give each one of you half of him."

To this replied one woman: "If that's the case, give him to the other woman."

The rabbi said: "Do that. The one willing to cut him in half, is the real mother-in-law!"


Note: See 1 Kings 3:16-28 for the allusion.

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ORIGINAL: JimboFletch

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I think I finally wore them down.

Don't flatter yourself because, as usual, you seem to have misinterpreted things.

When my dad was in the nursing home after a severe stroke, he had a room mate that seemed very lucid and I discussed a number of topics with him. After a few visits, it became quite obvious that the man had more than a few loos e screws. Once I realized that talking to him was as productive as discussing politics with a 3 year old, I limited conversations with him to nothing deeper than, "Good morning, Mr. Muddledhead." (Not his real name, just an alias that popped into my mind for no apparent reason.)

With that said, "Good morning, Mr. Bluethread."