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RE: adoptive and foster parents - 6/26/2008 5:55:00 PM
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reach
Posts: 1371
Joined: 4/12/2005
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My friends brother took 3 kids in, as the mother and father were in jail and rights were singed to the state.
These children lived with them, and were the neices/nephews of my good friend. It was great that they were able to get in a stable home and that they all shared a common background.
After 5-6 years, they went back to the state because the kids told lies to the case worker and the family had to go to court. They told lies and stole. Whatever lie was told they all backed it up. And got this nice family in so much trouble that they almost lost their biological children too. The Dad was a Pastor and it caused problems for them at the church because some people beleived the kids. It was just a mess and it took about a year to clear it up.
Not to scare, but they just had more problems than the parents could deal with. So if a child is taken from their bio parents, you might be sure they get all the counseling, etc that they need.
IMHO: The big problems started after they started having bio kids. They has custody of the 3 kids before they had kids. They thought they could not have kids and then boom, boom, boom, 3 kids of their own. I think the adobpted kids felt threatened that they were going to be sent away because they had bio kids.
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RE: adoptive and foster parents - 6/26/2008 10:51:36 PM
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Roberta_
Posts: 7430
Joined: 9/28/2007
From: East Bay Area
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quote:
ORIGINAL: lexie
We're planning on fostering and maybe adopting in a few years. Right now, we're in a transition phase and once we're out of it, we'll get things set in motion.
Is there anyone here who has fostered/adopted families? There was a case here recently where four children were taken from their parents, and the CAS mentioned it is pretty near impossible to place all the kids in the same home. This is actually something that we are willing to do, and I'm wondering if anyone else has done it and if they've found any unique challenges.
My parents adopted my sister and I. We are half-sisters by birth. I think their biggest challenge was that we had bonded with each other and didn't have a desire to bond with the rest of the family. Of course, there was a reason we didn't want to bond with them.
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RE: adoptive and foster parents - 6/27/2008 10:31:13 PM
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drmomjoyce
Posts: 98
Joined: 11/9/2006
From: hamilton, canada via perth aust
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quote:
ORIGINAL: lexie
We're planning on fostering and maybe adopting in a few years. Right now, we're in a transition phase and once we're out of it, we'll get things set in motion.
Is there anyone here who has fostered/adopted families? There was a case here recently where four children were taken from their parents, and the CAS mentioned it is pretty near impossible to place all the kids in the same home. This is actually something that we are willing to do, and I'm wondering if anyone else has done it and if they've found any unique challenges.
HI Lexie
thanks for jumping in on this thread - its so nice to share concerns and joys particularly related to foster/adoption.
In my limited experience, I have seen a few children adopted, my own included. I am a single parent and my entire family live in 2 other countries than here. I would make sure that you have really really good supports around you - people who will love these chldren no matter what and will treat them like your own children. I also think that if you adopt after you have had your own biological children, the bonding is not as easy. You have a natural love for your own bioligical children because they were born to you, but with adopted childnre you want the same love but it doesnt always come so naturally - this is based on my limited expereince. I would also do lots of reading - which i regret i didnt do - to prepare yourself and also to prepare the children. There is a book called Toddler adoption - the weavers craft by Mary Hopkins-best. I think that book is fabulous and there dont seem to be too many around but personally i learnt more in the 4 or 5 chapters that i read than in the 10 weeks of the compulsary course i had to do to adopt my boy.
All the best and i wish you well in your future. Its not easy but God gives the strength if we rely on Him - something i need to learn more.
Joyce
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RE: adoptive and foster parents - 6/28/2008 2:33:17 PM
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kb4good
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Joined: 2/6/2008
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We have adopted 2 children who were in the county foster system. They were 3 1/2 and 5 (brother and sister) when we adopted them 11 years ago. Our son has struggled with ADHD but is a total gem. I'd take another 100 of him without batting an eye. Our daughter is 16 now and struggling. The trauma from her early years has caused her to have mental illness. As she is getting older, the illness is showing itself more. We deal with rage, defiance, opposition, attachment disorder, eating disorder, rebellion. It is challenging but still, there is a terrific young lady in there who doesn't understand why she keeps doing what she does.
People have often asked us if we ever wished we hadn't adopted her. There has never been a time that I have wanted to send her back. Never. She, even with her unique situations and problems, is a true gift from God and He gave her to us, to mold and shape us in addition to helping to mold and shape her. We are a team and will get thru this together.
I love my children. My life has been changed for the better because of them. I hope this insight helps.
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RE: adoptive and foster parents - 6/28/2008 6:55:51 PM
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ladyingrace1979
Posts: 415
Joined: 3/14/2008
From: Fresno CA
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I have been reading this thread, mostly out of curiosity and I just wanted to say that you all are amazing people! Truely amazing! You have taken in children who are not your own, some with difficult issues, and loved them! What a beautiful picture of God's love. He takes us in, all our issues and sin, and loves us. So thank you for all you do and are doing for your kids.
Kim Q
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RE: adoptive and foster parents - 6/28/2008 7:24:21 PM
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drmomjoyce
Posts: 98
Joined: 11/9/2006
From: hamilton, canada via perth aust
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quote:
ORIGINAL: kb4good
We have adopted 2 children who were in the county foster system. They were 3 1/2 and 5 (brother and sister) when we adopted them 11 years ago. Our son has struggled with ADHD but is a total gem. I'd take another 100 of him without batting an eye. Our daughter is 16 now and struggling. The trauma from her early years has caused her to have mental illness. As she is getting older, the illness is showing itself more. We deal with rage, defiance, opposition, attachment disorder, eating disorder, rebellion. It is challenging but still, there is a terrific young lady in there who doesn't understand why she keeps doing what she does.
People have often asked us if we ever wished we hadn't adopted her. There has never been a time that I have wanted to send her back. Never. She, even with her unique situations and problems, is a true gift from God and He gave her to us, to mold and shape us in addition to helping to mold and shape her. We are a team and will get thru this together.
I love my children. My life has been changed for the better because of them. I hope this insight helps.
Thankyou for presenting a not so easy situation but yet presenting the hope that we have thru God to get thru even the difficult days. I felt that i had to adopt my son as i knew him so well and the other 'mothers' in his life were not capable or unwilling (as in their aim was to foster only - which is perfectly good). I believe if God has laid it on your heart to adopt he will also give you the strength to get thru each day as well. There have been dark moments for me - mostly to do with the deaths of 4 children/babies within my circle of friends, jsut prior to him coming home - but God has carried me thru even though i doubted frequently if i misread His will. Satan surely has his hand nearby and he has no desire to see me raise this child as one of God's.
I wish you well along with all other adoptive parents and i hope that we can keep this thread going to be an encouragement to adoptive or foster parents as well as for those who would like to persue this way to reach out to children in need.
May God bless you all
Joyce
< Message edited by drmomjoyce -- 6/28/2008 7:48:19 PM >
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RE: adoptive and foster parents - 10/21/2008 2:29:18 AM
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Roberta_
Posts: 7430
Joined: 9/28/2007
From: East Bay Area
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Joyce- haven't heard from you in a while. How are things going?
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RE: adoptive and foster parents - 10/21/2008 11:17:27 PM
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zippty_day
Posts: 889
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Glad to see a thread going. Not sure why it didn't come up in my search last night.
My foster baby is 6 months old tomorrow and suffers from constipation too. Could someone explain what Flaxseed milled and probiotic is and could it be given to a baby? He grunted before he started teething but now I think he drools so much that he's dehydrated. He hadn't been sleeping through the night so I started giving him a teaspoon of rice cereal in his bedtime bottle, but it didn't help and I got more concerned about the constipation. I then added a teaspoon of oatmeal cereal, but it hasn't helped. Tried juice, and really no change. So I've taken the cereal out and gave him 2 oz of water and caro syrup yesterday. Tomorrow I'm planning on 2 oz of apple juice. I've had to give him massages to help him get out what he has. Any suggestions?
Our situatation has been really a surprise for us. We're missionaries in central Mexico and I'm friends with the director of a local children's shelter. 3 months ago, during a visit to the shelter, she asked me if I could take this baby home and nurse him back to health. She even had me name him. Long story short, he's custody of the government. His mother is a prostitue and abandoned him. We even went to the home where he was taken from, along w/his 3 siblings ages 5, 2 and 1 years old. It was an awful place. With the blessing of the director, we've hired an attorney who is getting a copy of the case to study and see if he can find a way for us to adopt our baby. Funny, because our children are 18 & 17 and this was suppose to be 'our time'. But we've fallen head over heels in love with this baby. We've had his blood tested and he's a healthy baby. So beautiful! I love him so much but I don't know if we can adopt him. His appointed attorney told the children's shelter that we couldn't because of a 2 year waiting list for pre approved adoptive parents.
I've already decided what I'm going to tell him when he asks why he doesn't look like us...because he was born in Mexico :D
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RE: adoptive and foster parents - 10/22/2008 2:27:35 PM
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pbaribeault
Posts: 1104
Joined: 4/29/2005
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Flax seed is a very fibre and healthy-oil rich seed. It's small and dark brown. When it is "milled" that means that it is ground up into powder. It is great for constipated older babies -- when they are eating baby food. You would just add maybe half a teaspoon to something they are eating, like oat cereal or a fruit or veggie puree.
Probiotic is the "good" bacteria / micro-organisms that are in active culture yogurts. (They are used to make other yogurt too, but that kind is sterilized after it is made, so that kills the probiotics.) Probiotics live in your guts and help with digestion, so eating them (in yogurt, capsules or powder) will make your guts more effective and happy. They are particularly good if you are taking antibiotics, which are killing all your body's bacteria, both good and bad, so then the probiotics you are eating make sure your guts keep working well. To give this to an older baby (on baby food) that digests milk well, just feed them active culture yogurts (hopefully the kind without too much sugar or other additives).
If he is dehydrated, you will notice that his diapers are lighter and yellower (more uric acid with less water to dilute it coming out). If so, you can give more formula, or just plain water. Nothing you put in the water is going to help with the dehydration.
There are a lot of strong recommendations against putting cereal into bottles. If you want him to have cereal, why not just feed it to him with a spoon before bed? BUT rice cereal is a lot less nutritionally dense than formula. He will digest it faster than the same amount of formula, so I doubt it's going to help you with your sleeping-through-the-night desires.
The idea behind syrup (and juice) is that the body can't digest the amount of sugars, and so it passes through quickly, as the body tries to rid itself of an overdose. I'm not sure if that is the best plan, although many moms find it workable.
With my constipated babies, 2 things helped -- One was knowing that doctors only worry about a baby's bowel movements if it has been 7 to 10 days since the last one. Knowing that, the second thing that helped (until I could do a good eating-food diet) was simple glycerin suppositories (sized for child/infant). It just lubricates the poop and stimulates the movement, without bothering the whole feeding system.
On the 8th day with no movement, we would do a supp, which would lead to one difficult poop, and then a few more over the next day or two. Then they would be OK for a few weeks, then they would begin to get plugged up again, going two or 3 days between, then longer. After a while it would be back to a long stretch and another suppository.
BTW -- the cause of this constipation in both my girls was intolerance to cow's milk protein. My 3 year old has grown out of it now.
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RE: adoptive and foster parents - 10/23/2008 1:49:33 AM
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BluGrace
Posts: 1
Joined: 10/23/2008
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Hi, I am new to this forum. It caught my attention because I am a foster home licensor for the state. If you have any questions...related to licensing or adoption, I can try to answer them for you. I appreciate all that resource parents (foster, adoptive, relative, kinship, significant person..) do to assist the children in their care. Let me know if I can be of assistance at all...
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RE: adoptive and foster parents - 11/4/2008 5:49:17 PM
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zippty_day
Posts: 889
Status: offline
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We aren't having any progress in trying to adopt here. A baby was farmed out to me from a shelter and his government appointed attorney said we couldn't adopt him because of a 2 year waiting list of waiting parents. The director of the children's home said she's all for adopting him if we can find an attorney that say we can but haven't had any progress. The baby is now 6 1/2 months and I'm starting to feel discouraged. Anyone ever adopted from Mexico?
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RE: adoptive and foster parents - 11/4/2008 6:45:12 PM
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pbaribeault
Posts: 1104
Joined: 4/29/2005
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Funny girl, I know you're feeling at a loss with the adoption process -- and I don't want to discourage you, and I don't have any information of actual value. I just wanted to remind you that whether or not you are in this baby's life permanently, there is very real value in every day that he has received your care and your genuine love. There is a certain nobility of spirit represented by the sacrifice of being there him, then trusting God as he might go on to other situations, knowing that your calling was important either way.
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RE: adoptive and foster parents - 11/4/2008 9:53:17 PM
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zippty_day
Posts: 889
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Thank you for your kind and very true words pbaribeault. It's been a very strange day aside from this.
Also thank you for the insight on the other question of baby constipation. I ended up feeding him a 4 oz of pear juice and formula only right now. He doesn't seem to be ready to 'eat' baby food yet and is 'sleeping' better through the night as time goes by.
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RE: adoptive and foster parents - 11/6/2008 1:31:41 AM
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jaggie
Posts: 36
Joined: 11/6/2008
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I have custody of my first cousin once removed. He is nearly 13 months old and I've had him since he was 4 months old. Birth mother is in prison and we think birth father is going there too. I love the kid like I gave birth to him myself and we're trying to adopt him. He has 2 older brothers, and just today we found out that his grandma, who has the older brothers, may have leukemia. What a freaking mess the birth mom created. We all just love the kids the best we can.
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RE: adoptive and foster parents - 11/6/2008 1:32:46 AM
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Roberta_
Posts: 7430
Joined: 9/28/2007
From: East Bay Area
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mhriciso- welcome to the boards!
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RE: adoptive and foster parents - 11/6/2008 10:53:13 AM
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lucyk
Posts: 20
Joined: 4/4/2006
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My husband and I are foster parents for the state of Illinois. Right now we have in our custody a 4.5 month old baby that was born with crack in his system. His parents are trying to get him back, and right now it's looking like that will happen unless they stop following their plan or change their mind for some reason. We got him from the hospital when he was 2 weeks old and want to adopt him (and were told up front that the state believed in their "heart of hearts he will be available for adoption"). Right now I'm really frustrated with the state and their lack of prosecution of mothers who do drugs while pregnant...this isn't her first child to lose for this very reason, actually he's #4. Between the mother and father, who aren't married, there are 10 children in the family, all with different sets of parents, and none of those kids live with them, either...it's just a really sad situation. I'm praying that she realizes that we do love him very much and that we're not out to get her, but we do believe that he will be better off with us longterm.
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RE: adoptive and foster parents - 11/28/2008 11:32:00 PM
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mama_mea
Posts: 10
Joined: 11/28/2008
From: ROMANIA
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luckyk you ARE right. she is the baby's birth mom but since the Lord put him in your care I pray He'll let you raise him. she should realise that there is a good family for the baby, more than she can offer him. You have to be SURE he's better off with you or you can't persuade anyone else.
fuuny_girl I can imagine what you're going through but the impact you will have in the baby's life by loving him throughout his first year is AWESOME. Don't give up, where there is a will there's a way. I'm happy I found this thread as I have two natural daughters, three girls in foster care and just adopted twin boys 3 y.o. The boys lived with us since 3 weeks of age. They were on the adoption list here in Romania with 100+ families before us but with much prayer and fasting the Lord gave them to us!!
"It is not by force nor by strength, but by my Spirit, says the LORD Almighty" Zec. 4:6
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RE: adoptive and foster parents - 11/29/2008 1:38:00 PM
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Roberta_
Posts: 7430
Joined: 9/28/2007
From: East Bay Area
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Hi mama_mea and welcome to the boards!
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RE: adoptive and foster parents - 11/30/2008 8:09:30 AM
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mama_mea
Posts: 10
Joined: 11/28/2008
From: ROMANIA
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Thank you Roberta.
I love this site and just hope more foster/adoptive parents will take time to share and talk - what everyone wrote encouraged me so much ( I forgot, all my seven children are under 9).
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"It is not by force nor by strength, but by my Spirit, says the LORD Almighty" Zec. 4:6
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RE: adoptive and foster parents - 12/1/2008 12:25:49 AM
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Roberta_
Posts: 7430
Joined: 9/28/2007
From: East Bay Area
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My goodness! You certainly have your hands full of blessings don't you!
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RE: adoptive and foster parents - 12/7/2008 9:39:50 AM
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daughter_of_faith
Posts: 1288
Joined: 1/10/2008
From: Great Plains, Kansas
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We're discussing adoption/fostering.
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RE: adoptive and foster parents - 12/14/2008 4:51:55 PM
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deliveredarling
Posts: 2196
Joined: 8/30/2007
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I'm glad I found this thread before I posted a new one on it! My husband and I are discussing becoming foster parents. We have a ten yr old daughter and a 16 yr old son. It's not something we have considered before until I met a 17 yr old girl who was adopted at age 4. She told me her parents didn't want her anymore so she ended up with foster parents who kicked her out. She is currently staying at the shelter I used to work at. It is NOT a good place for a teen to be. I wanted to immediately go and get her, but my pragmatic husband (which I am truly grateful for) insisted upon looking at the legal ramifications of said action. That's when we discovered the foster care system. Since the discovery, it has weighed heavy on me. I used to work at a juvenile shelter and know that the teens are very hard to manage. It's my heart telling me that it is the teens we need to foster. What will happen with this young lady, I do not know. I know I do not have the full story or even the whole truth. She will turn 18 in 7 months. In Texas, it takes 2-3 months to become foster parents. Your prayers and any insight will be appreciated.
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Luke 8:16
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I'm very proud of them BUT I didn't always see this as a handful of blessings 
. Mostly because I'm aware of what a responsability we have. And reading the older parents' posts (my oldest is 8) I realise this more and more. 